iHave A Dilemma
by Mulligatawny
Summary: I honestly don't know how I got myself in this situation. Or if I even want to be in this situation. What exactly is my situation? Well before I tell you, I suggest a few things; sit down and brace yourselves. /Seddie oneshot.


**Disclaimer: (insert lame attempt to come up with a witty/clever/funny disclaimer here)**

**(A/N) Warning: The following fic contains Seddie and mocking of the well-known ships (including Seddie even though that's what this fic is about cuz I'm awesome like that and I'm fair). However by mocking, I don't mean bashing. This is just a joke. It's me having fun mocking ships because as we all know, ship wars get really insane unless you ship something you know isn't gonna happen. It's like slash and Spam shippers are Switzerland in a world where Seddie is China and seems to be taking over and Creddie is Russia secretly plotting its comeback. Yeah. Well enough with the weird comparisons my incredibly messed-up mind comes up with and on with the story!**

* * *

I honestly don't know how I got myself in this situation. Or if I even _want _to be in this situation. What exactly _is _my situation? Well before I tell you, I suggest a few things; sit down and brace yourselves.

I'm on a date with Sam Puckett.

Or at least I would be if she had bothered to show half an hour ago when she was supposed to. Now I'm sitting at a table at The Cheesecake Warehouse, looking at the clock every five seconds. The situation isn't really being made better by the fact that the waiter giggles every time he sees me still waiting here. I'd tell him off except he's two feet taller than me. Then there's that obnoxious five-year-old boy who keeps making fun of me when his parents aren't looking. Pfft. Sam'll come. They'll see. So what if Sam isn't among the mob of people being led to their tables?

Seeing as you're probably wondering how the heck I got myself in this dilemma, I guess I should explain. As long as you don't laugh at my use of the word dilemma.

See it all started during our most recent broadcast of iCarly, just like ninety-four percent of all my problems do. (And yes I actually did the math.) I was looking at the comments that were streaming in to approve them for the site. (Yes, I actually have to approve them as you would not believe the crazy chiz our deranged fans come up with. Gotta keep the site kid-friendly.) That got awkward pretty fast. The thing is a lot of fans were talking about this thing called 'Seddie' and how awesome it was. The first thing that popped in my mind was "Oh great, another strange and exotic illness for my mom to panic over." I then continued the webshow by showing our viewers a video of Spencer offering hobos foot massages while sleepwalking. (Note to self: Plan a new 'Wake Up Spencer' with Sam if we can ever get over this whole date thing.)

I took advantage of the break and called Sam and Carly over to my computer. After much irritated grumbling from Sam, I showed them the comments. Neither of them had any idea what it was. Well, Sam was hoping it was foreign for 'I wanna buy Sam bacon from all the countries of the world' but that idea wasn't taken seriously. Carly started scrolling down and saw that a lot of other comments talked about something called 'Creddie' and how 'it kicked Seddie's butt'. There were even some that talked about 'Cam' and its superiority over all other 'ships' no matter how improbable it was. I thought it was an abbreviation for camera but Carly didn't believe me. Then Sam started smiling when she saw somebody mention 'Spam' and how it reigns over everything. She thought the fan was sharing their opinion on the deliciousness of canned meat but that seemed unlikely to me.

So while Sam went downstairs in search of something to satisfy her sudden canned meat craving, Carly and I searched up the terms on Zaplook. We clicked on this fanmade website named 'All Things iCarly'. That's when the whole situation became really...interesting to say the least. There was a category on the home page labeled 'Pairings' and since it seemed like it was the answer to our many questions, we clicked it. There was a list of words referred to as 'ships'. Among that list was Seddie, Creddie, Cibby, Sibby, Spam, Cam, and Fencer. At this point, Sam had come back upstairs with a bowl full of sausages and chunks of fish. It could've easily fed three people. (And Spencer wonders why his grocery bill's so high...) She walked over to me and Carly and through a mouthful of food (which was a disgusting sight by the way), she pointed out that the names sounded oddly familiar. At the top of the page, it explained that pairings are also known as ships so we all knew we were on the right track to finding our answers. Thankfully that video of Spencer was pretty long so we had plenty of time.

Then she shoved me out of way and took control of the laptop. At least she had the decency to wipe her greasy fingers before using my laptop. (But then again, she wiped her fingers on my new Penny-T...) Well anyways, she decided to check out the Seddie page first. When the screen loaded, she started choking and I recoiled from the screen like it was going to come to life and eat me. (I love my descriptive skills...)

Seddie apparently was the couple name for me and Sam. Carly giggled as she scrolled down the list of 'moments' that me and Sam had during the webshow proving that we 'loved each other.' I was...shocked to say the least. Sam was glaring at the webpage. I thought that any second, she'd throw my laptop across the studio. Which would've really sucked since my laptop's a fourth-generation PearBook. Sam and I immediately started denying every moment on that webpage. It was outrageous! These people actually went to the trouble of comign up with an official color! I mean, come on! So me and Sam both like to wear red and blue! That doesn't mean you should go around saying that purple is our color!

But the creepiest part was when some random fan put that our official song was 'Running Away' by AM. They said it fit us perfectly. How is that creepy? Because that's the song I was listening to on my PearPod before me and Sam kissed... Not that that happened!

Well back to the story. So after Carly read the Seddie page, smiling and giggling (Have you noticed Carly doesn't laugh? She giggles. Always.), Sam realized that if Seddie was our couple name, Creddie would be the couple name for me and Carly. (You know what was weird? She was awfully nonchalant about the whole Seddie thing. Too nonchalant if you ask me. Like she _really_ didn't wanna even think about it. Hmm.) Carly went wide-eyed and started blushing. What'd I do? Just stand there awkwardly. I didn't really care about Creddie seeing as I got over her a long time ago. But it was still embarassing since I haven't really told them (them being Carly and Sam for all you slow people who don't know that) that I don't love Carly anymore.

Sam's hysterical laughter didn't really cut the tension that had suddenly formed between me and Carly.

So the three of us read the article and I was really weirded out.

For starters, whoever wrote that article is insane. They wrote that the Creddie mascot is a cute geek. They actually went to the trouble of coming up with a mascot. Just because when me and Carly were dating, she called me a cute geek during a broadcast of iCarly a grand total of one time. Then Sam started meowing at us. Why? Because some psycho fan commented that our official animal should be a kitty. Why? I wish I knew. Things got even creepier when I saw another one of Creddie's official symbols. Someone had added to the article that our official song was 'Meant For Me'. Needless to say, Carly and I were pretty freaked out that some iCarly fan knew what song we slow danced to at the Groovy Smoothie after we decided that our dates were the epitome of suckishness. (Go on. Admit it. My vocabulary impresses you.) Then Sam pointed out that the username of the person who submitted that was 'T-Bo_On_A_Stick'. Yeah, I know it's a weird username that only T-Bo (who was there when the slow dance happened) could come up with but at least me and Carly don't have to worry about being stalked by some mentally unstable iCarly fan. And now we know T-Bo has good taste in Splashface videos. (Shut up. You know Jeff Dunham's awesome.)

But of course the situation wasn't weird enough. Sam just _had _to click on the Cam page. Why? Because it rhymed with ham and she said that anything that rhymed with ham must be epic. I asked her to prove it. She pointed out her name rhymed with ham and that she was epic. I would've pointed that her name is actually Samantha except I still get memory pains from last time I reminded her of her 'prissy' name. (Who knew Carly's fluffy pink blanket could be used to inflict so much pain?)

Anyways, back to our discovery of Cam. Dear gosh, where do I begin with this? To start with, I'm really creeped out by the whole concept of my two best friends dating. Especially since they're both girls. I'm not a homophobe (or gay no matter what rumor Sam spreads on the internet) but no. I've kissed both girls and to have them kiss each other is just kind of a hard concept for me to wrap my mind around. Carly was just unable to speak except for occasionally babbling under her breath. Sam just started cursing at the computer screen. (She hasn't said anything about it but I think she no longer believes her theory that words that rhyme with ham are automatically epic.) I'd tell you what is what was exactly that she said but last time I cursed, my mom somehow found out and scrubbed my mouth clean for a good five minutes. I can taste that disgusting fat-free soap in my nightmares. (Why was it fat-free? I really wish I knew.)

The worst part? The people who wanted Carly and Sam to be a couple were actually _sane. _So while other iCarly fanfreaks are coming up with ridiculous symbols for the pairings I'm a part of, Cam gets nice normal people who still have their sanity. Totally unfair. I always lose to Carly and Sam. Unbelievable. It's like the sixth grade talent show all over again. (That's one story that I'll never repeat. Too many emotional scars [and one physical scar] to revisit. And did anybody notice my totally awesome use of brackets within a parenthetical sentence? Yeah. I'm cooler than ice. Word.)

Well back to the story. While Carly was still trying to make sense of the whole concept of a relationship with Sam and Sam was swearing at the computer screen like it could actually hear her, I decided to click on Cibby. I couldn't help but laugh. Sam stopped cursing and started reading the article. (I think it was the first thing she read in three weeks.) She started laughing too. Carly stopped babbling and looked at the article. Her face turned tomato red. Like _really_ red. I was actually tempted to squeeze her cheeks and see if ketchup would come out. But I was distracted by Carly who started denying she was even the slightest bit attracted to Gibby. I would've believed her if she hadn't refused to make eye contact with me. And if she hadn't over-enthusiastically changed the subject by clicking on Sibby.

(Gah still no sign of Sam! She's taking so long, I'm starting to think she ran away to Canada.) Well, back to Sibby and away from the rejection I'm starting to feel. Not that the rejection bothers me. Pfft. Silly people I'm talking to in my head, thinking that I like Sam. Yeah. You're so not right in the head. That insult sounded a lot more convincing in my head. But this whole conversation is in my head so...You know what? Let's just go back to Sibby before I give myself a migraine.

Now I'm gonna be honest here. I already figured what Sibby was before clicking on it. However, I couldn't pass up a chance to embarass Sam even if it meant I'd get horribly injured. (Wow. That sounded really masochistic.) The look on Carly's face was priceless. I don't care what she says. I think that for a moment there she was actually _jealous_. (How did I not notice Carly's crush on Gibby before? Or did she just wake up that exact morning and decide "Hey, I like Gibby!"?) I'd really like to tell you Sam's reaction to the fact some people want her and Gibby to get together. But she threatened to castrate me if I told anybody. And I'd like to have little Fredwinos and Fredwinas running around my future house so I'll let you imagine her reaction.

Now you're wondering if there were any other ships. Yeah...I'd rather not talk about them. They were really creepy. But you know what? Whatever. I started a story and I'm gonna finish it! And it has nothing to do with the fact I want to distract myself from the fact that Sam is forty-five minutes late for our date! Holy chiz, I rhymed. Dear gosh, what is the world coming to? No good can come when unintentional rhyming happens. Well...I guess I should finish the story before the apocalypse happens. Because if I'm technically on a date with my worst enemy/best friend/first kiss (not that that last one matters) and I start rhyming without meaning to...the world will end. And that means no more iCarly. Yeah. Bad things like that will happen. (Really, my powers of description are almost as astonishing as my vocabulary.)

So back to the pairings I shall refer to as 'crack ships'. Because someone must've been really high on gummy bears if they decided to support these couples.

First crack ship: Spam. Of course Sam got super excited, thinking this was meat-related. I swear all you have to do is mention meat or anything fattening and that girl starts going crazy (crazier). She stopped bouncing up and down when I clicked on it. Weird stuff. How could anybody think Spencer's attracted to Sam? There's like a twelve year age difference. Spencer once went on a date with a really hot therapist who found tons of stuff wrong with him, but pedophilia wasn't one of them! Although I think one of his issues was that he attracts a lot of wacko ladies. That therapist was downright nuts. She was _really_ Twilight-obsessed. She kept on trying to dump glitter on Spencer throughout the date. According to Spencer, it's not fun to have a picnic date ruined because your date kept on trying to sparkle-ify (yes, he used that very manly word) you and you have to run throughout the park with a Twi-hard running after you screaming "BUT SPENCIE! ALL REAL MEN SPARKLE!" just to maintain your dignity. He didn't see the irony of that situation.

But back to the story.

Carly and Sam didn't take it well. Carly started gagging at the thought of having a pedophile raising her. Sam just kinda stood there, saying something about how many of our fans need to go see her mom's therapist. I really didn't know what to say or do. I was just trying to figure out the slight jealous feeling I couldn't help but have in the back of my mind. Uh. Just ignore that last sentence.

So to take my best friends' mind off of the freaky concept of Sam and Spencer as boyfriend and girlfriend, I clicked on the last pairing. Fencer. Looking back on it, that was a really dumb move. Let me just repeat what I said before: I'm not gay and Spencer's not a pedophile or gay. End of story. To the iCarly fan that supports us as a couple: Ew. That's all I have to say. Do I even have to tell you how Carly and Sam reacted? I do? Really? Morons. (Sorry, I've been hanging out with blonde-headed demons too often.) Carly and Sam kept on going "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew." Try putting up with that for more than five seconds. How'd _I_ react? I took it like a man. I shrugged it off and was all like "Yeah. Whatevs. I'm chill with it."

You don't believe me? Yeah, I wouldn't either. The truth? I was horrified. I almost barfed. I'd rather not talk about it anymore.

You're probably wondering what this has to do with me and Sam going on a date. Well calm down! I'm getting to that. Just hold your chiz. (God that sounded really uncool.)

After skimming the articles, the three of us noticed that the video of sleepwalking Spencer was almost done. Thankfully, it gave us plenty of time to browse the articles since it was like eight minutes long. You'd be surprised how many hobos actually took up Spencer's offer. Then again, Sam says even hobos aren't dumb enough to turn down free foot rubs from strange men. Sometimes I wonder how her screwy logic actually makes sense. But I'm getting off-topic again.

So we went back on the air. Carly and Sam did all the scheduled shenanigans (hehe, shenanigans is a funny word) but then things went downhill. Right before the broadcast ended, Carly seemed to decide it'd be the _greatest idea ever! _to ask our fans if Sam and I should go on a date. Sam was glaring at Carly. Sam_ never_ glares at Carly. Not since we met Fleck and Dave (aka the homewreckers). I don't know what happened after the webshow ended because as soon as we finished, I ran away just in case Sam decided to take her anger out on me.

The first thing I did when I woke up the next morning was check the comments for that night's broadcast on my PearBook. There was an all-out fanwar going on. The Seddiers (as I've decided to call people who want me and Sam to...get together) and Creddiers (see previous parenthetical except replace Sam with Carly) kept on insulting each other and ranting about how their 'ship' (really I can't help but feel weird when I use the word in that context) "WAZ DA AWESUMEST SHIP EVURR". You'd think they never heard of grammar. All the Cibby and Sibby shippers were like "Eh...Whatever." The Cam and Spam shippers were trying to be reasonable. (How come the crack pairings got normal followers?) They were all like "Just calm down! Their decisions, their life. Jeesh!". But everyone was ignoring them and they just kept on attacking each other.

Who was winning? The Seddiers. But not because they had more proof or were smarter or because they were any better than the Creddiers. No. They just had more people on their side TYP1INGG LEIK DIS. When I saw all the people (some rational, some not) talking about how "YES! SAM AND FREDDIE SHOULD DATE!" in the comments, I started fearing for my life. I was sure that Sam was going to kill me in some sick, demented way. (Demented. I hope all you people in my head appreciate my vocabulary-expanding internal monologue.)

But I had to pull myself together. The last thing I needed is to be trembling all during breakfast and having my mom drive me to the hospital out of fear I suddenly developed epilepsy. So after suffering through my gluten-free (which is just a fancy word for tasteless) breakfast, I went over to the place where I spend most of my life: the Shays' apartment.

I walked in on Carly and Spencer staring at the computer screen laughing and talking. I'm not sure what website they were on or what they were saying but I think I heard something along the lines of "They're finally going on a date!". I turned on my heels and was about to walk out the door and buy a bus ticket to Idaho when Sam opened the door. And of course when she opened the door, it hit me in the face so hard I could practically feel some of my brain cells die. She didn't even bother apologizing. Typical Princess Puckett.

I didn't bother confronting her (I didn't want to aggravate her after the whole Seddie thing). So me and Sam walked over to our natural habitat (Spencer's couch) and sat down. Sam turned on the TV and started channel flipping. Carly and Spencer were nudging each other like they were trying to get the other to do something. After a poke war erupted between the siblings, Carly finally gave up. She sat down on the couch between Sam and me, rubbing her arm and chastising Spencer. According to what Carly said, Spencer doesn't poke. No. Apparently, he attempts to puncture your skin.

A few minutes filled with nothing but the characters of Girly Cow arguing passed by. Suddenly, Carly verbally exploded. "You guys _have _to go on a date! The iCarly fans have spoken! IF YOU DON'T OBLIGE WITH THEIR WISHES THEN MY FRIDGE AND COMPUTER BECOME A NO SAM-AND-FREDDIE ZONE!" Sam and I gasped simultaneously. Carly really knew how to push our buttons. Sam turned to me and calmly told me through clenched teeth, "Tonight. Cheesecake Warehouse. Meet me at eight o'clock. You're paying. Wear some nubby outfit and die." She went back to watching Girly Cow. The way she was taking it, you'd have thought someone had told her she was used to hearing like "Oh, you have to go to court tomorrow for your parole hearing." Not like someone had basically blackmailed her into going on a date with me, the bane of her existence. (Bane. Yeah. Just call me Merriam-Webster.)

The rest of the day was pretty normal considering the circumstances. Spencer set the TV remote on fire, Sam would mock stupid reality shows, and Carly tried to make her special lemonade taste better. (She failed.) The only thing out of the ordinary was that Carly and Spencer kept on looking at each other smiling, with this look in their eyes that just screamed _Finally! _

Then, Carly led Sam to her room to help her get ready for the date. I left and walked inside my apartment like it was any other day. I checked my watch. It was 7:15. I had plenty of time to get ready. Then my mom rushed over and hugged me as if she hadn't seen me in six years. I started panicking. How was I supposed to explain to my mom that I had a date with my tormentor? (Ooh. Tormentor. That may be my best word yet.) Knowing my mom, I expected her to start freaking out, wrap me head-to-toe in bubble wrap, and lock me in my room until the zombie apocalypse. (It's gonna happen someday. Just you wait and see.)

So you can imagine my surprise when she asked about my date with Sam. Apparently, my mom watches every single broadcast of iCarly and comments regularly about the chances of Seddie happening. What world do we live in when your mother does this sort of thing behind your back? Oh yeah. My world. (Oh gosh. Ginger Fox flashback. Such disturbing memories. Breathe Freddie. Breathe. Okay. All better now.)

So after I stared at my mom like she was mentally unhinged (which she is) for a few minutes, I went into my room and opened my closet, which by the way is now free of Carly posters. It was then that my real problem came to light. What the chiz does one wear on a date with Sam Puckett? I then pulled out a red-and-blue striped polo. If Sam really hated me (which I was beginning to doubt), she'd insult my shirt, we'd start arguing, make a scene, and the date wouldn't be awkward. Then, we could get the date over with and move on with our lives. But if Sam really have feelings for me (which I was kinda beginning to consider), the date would go smoothly, we'd have a nice time, and maybe even a civil conversation. (Civil conversation with Sam. What a foreign concept.)

I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the colors of the shirt. (In case you haven't noticed; red + blue = purple. Isn't math fun?)I browsed through a sea of khaki pants my mom bought until I got to a pair of non-dorky jeans. I got dressed and carefully combed my hair. Not because I wanted to impress Sam with my cool new haircut. No...Just...Just...Whatever. Doesn't matter what I say. You're gonna think I like Sam anyways. Which might be true. You know. _Maybe._

I checked my watch. It was 7:45. I sighed as I remembered how Sam flushed my digital watches down the toilet and left me with my lame standard watch with a clock face. I wondered if she had done anything to this watch too but shrugged it off.

After promising my mom not to breathe the same air as questionable people (not possible but I had to agree so she'd let me leave the house), I left Bushwell Plaza and took a bus to The Cheesecake Warehouse where salads weigh more than a newborn baby. It was 7:55. The waiter (you know, the one I said laughs at me every time he walks by me) led me to my table. It was a two-person booth near the back of the restaurant with a view of the front entrance. Thankfully, nobody seemed to recgonize me and interrogate me about whether or not I was waiting for Sam.

I told the waiter I was waiting for my date. It was exactly eight o'clock.

Now however, it's one hour later- or nine o'clock in other words. And I'm sitting here at a table all by myself, being laughed at by my waiter and mocked by a five-year-old boy who somehow figured out I'm waiting for someone. To top it all off, I'm rambling on and on to people in my head I created just to keep me entertained and to distract me from my disappointment that Sam still hasn't shown up. That begs the question, though.

Why am I disappointed? I think about this as I angrily take a bite of one of the foot-long bread sticks they serve here. Could I really see Sam as more than a frienemy? I hear Sam's laugh come from near the front of the restaurant and I smile, jerking my head in the direction of the laughter. It's not Sam. However, thinking it was Sam made me happy. What does this mean? I take a sip of my soda and realize that I know just what it means. I start choking on my soda.

Oh no. Dear gosh no. Call an ambulance. A therapist. The police. The governor of Ohio. The pope. The guy from the Oxy-Clean commercials. ANYBODY WHO CAN HELP ME. Ay Dios mio. (Translation: 'Oh my god' which my mom doesn't let me say. However she never said I couldn't think it in Spanish.)

I...I...I have feelings for Sam Puckett. Oh gosh. What if I fall (or have fallen) in love with her? She who is probably laughing her head off at the thought of me waiting for her. She who abuses me daily. She with the golden curls that bounce around and and glints in the sunlight. She who just caused my last sentence to sound like I stole it out of a cheesy romance novel. (No wonder I'm being teased by a five-year-old boy.)

Oh gosh. She's gonna kill me. One look at me and she'sll know. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? I know! I'll move. Yeah! I'll run away, buy a plane ticket to Iceland where nobody will look for me, change my name to something only I can remember like Antonio Roberto Fernando Marco Alberto Maria Gonzalez Rodriguez Garcia Morales del Carmen Smith, move into an apartment, and start up a Canadian-themed fast food chain.

Sam will never find me. And if she can't find me then she can't-

"What's up Frednerd?"

-murder me.

I flinch at the sound of her voice. I look up at her tentatively. "H-hey S-Sam." Yeah Freddie. Way to be manly. Sam rolls her eyes at me. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Unless you eat the last breadstick. Then horrible unspeakable things shall happen." She slides into the seat in front of me and snatches the last breadstick. She eats it in thirty seconds. That's when I really notice what she's wearing. She's wearing jeans instead of cargo shorts and a purple (there's irony again) plaid button-down that's obviously from Carly's closet. She actually took the time to look nice. Maybe she does care about this date. Kind of. Or maybe Carly paid her in Trident gum to act like she cares.

Sam and I sit there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. "So Fredcake..." "So Sam..." The irritating five-year-old boy that's sitting behind me turns around and yells at me to shut up and kiss her already. His parents scold him for his rudeness and tell him he won't be getting any cake. Revenge is sweet.

In an effort to break the ice, I tell her about my mom's reaction. She raises her eyebrows in shock. The conversation keeps on going from there. She tells me how Carly told her she and Spencer were secretly rooting for us as a couple. This completely takes me by surprise. First my mom now them? Who's next to add to the list of secret Seddie supporters? Gibby? T-Bo? Guppy? Heck, at this point I wouln't be surprised if Ms. Briggs wants us to date.

The waiter comes and looks at me as if he's about to tease me again but then he sees Sam glaring at him like _Hurry up and take our order already! _and he suppresses the laughter. Sam orders three entrees. Thank Gosh my mom raised my allowance. I order a piece of chicken that I know I'll end up giving the rest to Sam because the portions here are just unnatural.

Me and Sam have a good time. We talk about normal things like school and the new episodes of our favorite shows. I tell her we should do a new Wake Up Spencer and she agrees without insulting me or my dignity. The tension that's usually between us is gone. I'm actually enjoying myself.

I stop laughing as I remember something. I look at Sam seriously. "Sam, why'd you show up an hour late?" Sam frowns. "What are you talking about? I showed up almost exactly on time?" My eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. (Yea. Scrunch. It's a word. Trust me and my epic vocabulary.) "But my watch-" I don't get a chance to finish the sentence because Sam interrupts me with her sudden laughter. She's laughing so hard that everybody in the restaurant looks at us with this expression that says _Look at these delinquents ruining our nice quiet dinner of oversized food. _Except for this one little girl who has _I have to pee_ on her face. But other than her, everybody, even the waiters, are staring at me and Sam.

Sam doesn't notice. Her shoulders are shaking. I scowl at her. When she sees the irritated look on my face, she sobers up. "Freddison..remember when I flushed your digital watches down the toilet?" I nod my head. "Remember how I also took that lame watch you're wearing now?" I nod my head again. "I set it back an hour." I stare at the table feeling like an idiot.

I've been waiting here this whole time because I showed up an hour early. I glance at the restaurant clock to prove to myself that Sam isn't lying to me. The clock reads 8:20. I look down at my watch. It reads 9:20.

Apparently the expression on my face is really amusing because it causes Sam to crack up all over again.

At least you aren't laughing at me, people in my head. Wait? You are? Oh. Well.

At least I'm the one with an impressive vocabulary and having fun on a date with Sam. Yeah. Take that. (Gosh, that was a bad comeback.)

A half hour passes by. Me and Sam are laying back in our seats, a half-eaten cheesecake that even Sam Puckett, the Bottomless Pit can't finish in front of us. The waiter brings the bill. Sam smiles at me. "You know what Fredarooni? I actually had fun tonight."

At first, I was panicked at the idea of even going on one date with Sam. Then, I realized I liked her. I thought it'd be the end of me. But maybe it's the beginning of something new. This thought makes me happy. So I smile back at her. "So did I." We stay like that for a few seconds. I start to think we're having a moment when the five-year-old behind us shouts "JUST KISS HER ALREADY!"

This time I listen to him. And guess what? She kisses me back.

Thank Gosh for those crazy iCarly fans that wrote all those articles that caused us to end up here in this situation.

(Gah, I can't even end a story properly.)


End file.
